Rocks Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." "Why not?" replied the curious brother "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

This joke is about Native Americans; no offense intended, hope none is taken. Native American Indian legend has it that many years ago, before the domination of the White Man, there existed a tribe that lived in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. And in this tribe, the Chief had decided that the time had come for his only daughter, the beautiful Wild Honey, to marry.
Now in this tribe, selection of a mate for the daughter of a chief involved a kind of round-robin competition among the eligible braves to determine who was the bravest, the strongest, the best hunter and provider. From the preliminary rounds, two great contenders emerged - the fast and powerful Running Water, and the bold and handsome Falling Rocks.
The final event of the competition would decide the winner. Each brave was given exactly seven days to prepare the traditional BTFTLOOTGO - "bridal tepee for the Little One of the Great One." The winner would be the brave who built the better tepee and more...

Top Ten Signs Your Relationship Is On The Rocks10. Her term of affection for you is "You Bastard." 9. She shaves your eyebrows off while you are asleep. 8. She rushes to answer the phone each time it rings, and puts it down with a hushed, "I can't talk now... I'll call you later." 7. Your picture on her wall has darts in it. 6. She reads books like "Women are From Venus, Men Are Complete Assholes." 5. She falls asleep during sex. The oral kind. While she's giving it. 4. When you call her, she answers your voice with, "Oh. It's only you." 3. She cancels your date because she has to clean out the septic tank. 2. She makes inquiries about going on the Witness Protection Program. And the Number One Sign Your Relationship Is On The Rocks... 1. Her cat pees on you. And receives a reward.

A business man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a
double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks
inside his shirt pocket, then asks the bartender to prepare another
double martini.
After he finishes the second one, he again peeks inside his shirt
pocket, and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The same pattern is repeated a few rounds; the business man drinks a
double martini on the rocks, peeks inside his shirt pocket, and orders
another one.
Finally, the bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all
night long, no problem with that. But you just gotta tell me why you
look inside your shirt pocket every time before you order a refill!"
The man replies, "Oh, I'm just peeking at a photo of my wife. When she
starts to look good, then I know it's time for me to go home."

The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual guide and his response to questions.
Swiss mountain guides who always do the same trails can get tired answering the same questions over and over. One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking through a mountain valley that was strewn with rocks, and the traveler asked, “How did these rocks get here? ”
“Sir, ” said the guide, “they were brought down by a glacier. ”
The tourist peered up the mountain and said, “But I don’t see any glacier. ”
“Oh, really? ” said the guide. “I guess it has gone back for more rocks. ”