Rocks Jokes / Recent Jokes

Maine- At Acadia National Park,officials are concerned about the amount of rocks that people aretaking from the park and will be fining thieves between $50-$150apiece for stolen rocks. “It really screws up the count for ourannual “Guess How Many Rocks Are in our Park Contest.” Said thehead park ranger.

Five Scandinavian men were going to prove who was man enough to endure a really hot sauna. One of the men was an electrical engineer and wired the benches such that if your butt left the surface, an alarm would sound, ending the contest for the unlucky participant.
The ambient temperature of the sauna was set to rise from 80 degrees Celsius in half-degree increments every minute. In 40 minutes, it would be at 100 degrees, the boiling point of fresh water. A device was created so that water was poured onto the hot rocks at a rate of about 30 milliliters (one ounce) every minute. It was going to be a pressure cooker.
To keep things fair, the men were completely undressed. They drew straws to see who would sit where on the top bench. Closer to the rocks was a slight disadvantage - the one sitting there would get the steam a full 1/2 second before the last person.
It started off well. The men were joking, but soon it got seriously warm. It wasn't long before the highest part more...

What do you call an unemployed jester?... Nobody's fool.Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf - Because for them, it's too much like their work - you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another.Feminist's lament: "I think, therefore I am single."Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push... Push...Push!"Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager."Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scornto smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.If a tree falls in a forest, and hits a mime, does anybody say anything about it? more...

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, approximately two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full and they agreed that it was.
Next, he picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So, he picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He again asked the students if the jar was full. They responded with a unanimous "yes".
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar - effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
As the laughter subsided, the professor said, "Now, I want more...

clever creatures
A visitor to Glacier National Park in Montana lost his car keys while attempting to lure a ground
squirrel by dangling the keys out in front of the critter. The squirrel grabbed the keys and ran down
a hole with them. The keys were never retrieved, a ranger cited the man for harassment of wildlife,
and a locksmith was called to make new car keys.
putting our loved ones at risk for a photo
In May of 1994, Tony Moore, 43, of Marietta, Georgia, was gored and seriously injured by a large male
bison in Yellowstone, next to the Lake Hotel. Moore and a friend had approached to within 15 feet of
the bison to have their pictures taken. While they were standing with their backs to the animal, it
charged. Moore's companion escaped, but Moore received a severe puncture wound in his right thigh and
was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Jackson for treatment.
watching for falling rocks
A visitor setting up camp at Lake more...

The following circulated among us MEN in the Army - just goes to show that we didn’t take ourselves TOO serious:
I am the Infantry, Queen of Battle! I sit tight, stoned out of my squach while my country’s representatives meet the enemy face-to-face and will-to-will across the peace table. For two centuries I have been the weak link in our nation’s defense, I am the Infantry! Follow Me?
Both easy victories and well-covered-up defeats I have known. Frankly, I owe a lot to friendly historians.
In the Revolution I spent most of my time slinking around out of uniform taking potshots at British troops from behind rocks. I invaded Canada, and even that was a failure. My best general went over the the British. For a while there I didn’t know whether to shit or wind my watch, but the French navy pulled my chestnuts out of the fire.
I took on Britain again in 1812 thinking she’d be too busy with Napoleon to notice. I invaded Canada again and got beaten again. On my more...