Roger Jokes

Here it is nicely illustrated:
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud:' 'Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I more...

Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter. St. Peter: Hi, whats your name? Paul: My name is Paul. St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Paul: 120K. St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money? Paul: I was a lawyer. St. Peter: Thats great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name? Roger: My name is Roger. St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Roger: 60K. St. Peter: Hey, thats great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living? Roger: I was an accountant. St. Peter: Thats very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name? John: My name is John. St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died? John: About $23, 000. St. Peter: Hey, thats fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very ritzy jewelery shop.

The jeweler inquired,' Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered,' No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".'

The jeweler smiled and said,' Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye,' Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'

Roger sits down at the counter of his local bar. "Bartender," he says, "give me the bottle of your strongest whiskey."
The bartender laughs, "Sure thing, pal, $150."
He hands Roger the bottle, who instantly begins guzzling it down.
"My God!" said the bartender, "I've never seen anyone drink whisky that fast!"
"Well," said Roger, "I'm actually part of a new medical experiment, you see I have a series of cybernetic implants designed to allow me to handle any amount of alcohol very quickly."
"Is that so?" said the bartender.
"Yes," said Roger, suddenly there is a loud buzzing from his chest.
"That's my metal stomach, codenamed old clanker, adding it to my bloodstream." Another low humming now. "That's my cyborg liver, codenamed old trusty, processing the whiskey." A high pitched whistle came from Roger's lower torso. "That is my titanium kidney, more...