Rogers Jokes

Red Adair walked into an Aberdonian pub after two weeks spent putting
out a fire in a North Sea oil well. He ordered a pint of heavy and
found a table. The man sitting next to him immediately noticed that
this rugged-looking elderly fellow was indeed an American and said:
"I've been to the States myself, you know. I went there last year."
"Oh really..." our oil rig hero said in a rather tired voice.
"Aye, I spent a month in California. One night I went to a concert
with a famous country singer called Benny Rogers, and..."
"Surely you must mean KENNY Rogers," Red said, looking at the ceiling.
"Aye, that's right. Anyway, he sang a duet with a bonnie lass
called Polly Darton."
"It's DOLLY PARTON, not Polly Darton." Red was not in the friendliest
of moods now.
The Scot realized that he was making a fool of himself and tried a
change of topic:
"Haven't I seen you on more...

Eugene d'Albert (noted German composer) was married six times. At an evening reception which he attended with his fifth wife shortly after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely, "Congratulations, Herr d'Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so charming a wife." During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second helping, he asked politely, "May I have some breast?" "Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat." Churchill apologized profusely. The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from her guest of honor. The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if you would pin this on your white meat." Sentenced to two years hard labor (for Sodomy), Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed in driving rain waiting for transport to prison. "If this is the way more...

Imitating Mr. Rogers: Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure... I knew you could.

Fingernail Clippers:
That's why we have teeth.
Makeup That is Tattooed on:
You might love that green eyeliner now, but what about when you're fifty?
Colored Elastics For Braces:
As if the braces didn't make your mouth stand out enough.
Inflatable Furniture:
Nothing boosts the ego more than sitting on a couch and popping it.
Crayons That Smell:
Oh, good, let's give kids another reason to eat them.
Fake Eyelashes:
You shouldn't be able to braid your eyelashes.
The Epilady:
Pulling hair out by the roots is masochistic.
Those Crocheted Kleenex Box Covers:
Kleenex does not get chilly.
Rubber Clothing:
Because you shouldn't bounce if you fall down the stairs.
Doggie Sweaters:
Fido is not Mr. Rogers, nor does he want to be Mr. Rogers.
Thong underwear:
Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.

Fingernail Clippers:That's why we have teeth.Makeup That is Tattooed on:You might love that green eyeliner now, but what about when you're fifty? Colored Elastics For Braces:As if the braces didn't make your mouth stand out enough.Inflatable Furniture:Nothing boosts the ego more than sitting on a couch and popping it.Crayons That Smell:Oh, good, let's give kids another reason to eat them.Fake Eyelashes:You shouldn't be able to braid your eyelashes.The Epilady:Pulling hair out by the roots is masochistic.Those Crocheted Kleenex Box Covers:Kleenex does not get chilly.Rubber Clothing:Because you shouldn't bounce if you fall down the stairs.Doggie Sweaters:Fido is not Mr. Rogers, nor does he want to be Mr. Rogers.Thong underwear:Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.