Rolled Jokes / Recent Jokes

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"
"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."

A boy and his Father visiting from a third world country were at The Mall of America.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his Father "What is this Father?".
The Father responded "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!".
While the boy and his Father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights w/numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24 year old woman stepped out.
The Father said to his son "Go get your Mother".

Especially hrony one night, Mark rolled over and nuzzled his wife. "How about it, honey...?" he asked tenderly. "Oh, Mark, I've got an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow," said his wife, going on to explain that the doctor had requested that she abstain from intercourse for twenty-four hours before an appointment. Sam signed deeply and turned over to his side of the bed. A few minutes later he rolled back and asked hopefully, "You don't have a dentist appointment too, do you?"

An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks plastic. ” Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But it feels like rubber. ”
Curious, the attorney asked, “What do you have there? ”
The drunk replied, “I don’t know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber. ”
The attorney responded, “Let me take a look. ”
So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. “Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don’t know what it is. Where did you get it? ”
The drunk replied, “Out of my nose! ”

A boy and his Father visiting from a third world country were at Lakeside Mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his Father: "What is this Father?".
The Father responded: "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!".
While the boy and his Father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights w/numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24 year old woman stepped out.
The Father said to his son "Go get your Mother".

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun. He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle. Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted more...

A golfer was standing in the fairway, about 140 yards out, when a frog whispered from the rough, "Use an 8-iron."
The golfer, deep in concentration, pulled out his 8-iron and hit the shot. It rolled right into the cup for an eagle.
"Now take me to Vegas," said the frog.
"What?" said the startled golfer, suddenly realizing it was a talking frog.
"You heard me," repeated the frog, "take me to Vegas. I'm obviously a lucky fog and we'll make a bundle!"
So the golfer picked up the frog and they flew to Vegas.
In the casino, the frog whispered, "Go to the dice table and bet everything on the pass line."
The shooter rolled a seven, and the man with the frog won $100, 000. Then the guy took the frog upstairs to his room and the frog said, "Kiss me."
When he did, the frog turned into the most beautiful girl you've ever seen - deep blue eyes, blond hair, a beautiful smile, and 16 years more...