Roof Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde was spending most of her vacation sunbathing on the hotel roof. The first day she wore a bathing suit. However, on the second day she decided that no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of it to get an even tan.
She had hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. Since she was lying on her stomach, she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me miss," said the out of breath, flustered assistant manager of the hotel. "The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we would appreciate it if you would wear a bathing suit as you did yesterday!"
"What difference does it make?" she calmly asked. "No one can see me up here and besides, I am covered with a towel."
"Not exactly, miss," replied the embarrassed man. "You happen to be lying on the dining room skylight!"

A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear."Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs."The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.""What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly."No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel.""Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

'Twas the Night Before Christmas: Reckneck Version
'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'Cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin Was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.
That Bubba got scared And rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12 Jim Bob was 11
Dud goin' on 10 Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls So they let them be.
They jumped in their overalls, No need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, Then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack That hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns They grabbed them all.
Bubba said to the young'uns, ''Now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do Is wake up yer Maw.''
Maw was expecting And needed her sleep,
So out they crept more...

A rather well-proportioned secretary (the blonde), spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone run-ning up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

George was a pious man who prided himself in putting all his trust in God. One day a terrible storm hit.& The whole community was told to evacuate because of the danger from the nearby river. The police went from house to houe telling people to leave. George just said, "God will protect me." The storm got worse and worse.& The water began to rise.& & Afraid the dam would break, George climbed up onto his roof. The dam did break.& Soon the waters were rising even higher. A rescue boat finally worked its way out to him, "Hop in, buddy," they shouted over the roar of the water. "God will save me." Authorities were really concerned now.& They sent a helicopter to take him off the roof. Again he refused. The waters finally swept him away. When he came to the gates of heaven he was stunned to find that he had died. "Why didn`t God save me?" "What do you mean?& What more did you want? "He send the police, a boat, and a helicopter!"a

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q. Did you hear the joke about the roof? A. Never mind, it's over your head!