Rose Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

A little girl went up to her father and asked, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?" Her dad answered, "When you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." A second daughter came up and asked, "Daddy, why was I named Daisy?" He answered, "Because a daisy petal fell on your head when you were born." As the sisters walked away they came across their brother who goes "der der...d-duh.." Their father yells, "Shutup, Cinderblock!!"

"A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because
her vaginal lips are much too large.
She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's
embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out.
The doctor agrees. She wakes up from her operation and finds three
roses carefully placed beside her bed.
Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I
asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"
"Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody.
The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this
all by yourself.
The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation,
and she had the operation done herself."
"Who is the third rose from?" she asked
"Oh," says the doctor, "that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn
unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!"

The suburban couple, middle-aged and married for very nearly twenty-two years, were out for the Saturday-afternoon ritual with the grass, the bushes and flowers. He was putting Vigoro on the crab grass and she was pruning the rose bushes, but somehow their minds didn't seem to be on their work. The wife seemed especially discontent and was mumbling under her breath about something; then, quite unexpectedly, she stalked over to where the husband was standing, examining at close range a tree fungus on his favorite elm, and gave him a short kick to the ankle.
"Ow-ouch!" exclaimed the husband, seizing the bruised appendage. "What the hell did you do that for?!"
"That," she said, stalking back to her rose bushes, "is for being such a lousy lover!"
The husband thought about this unexpected attack for a minute or two, then he turned and--just as resolutely as she had a few moments before-stalked over and gave his wife a swift and more...

1) You are Right! - sent by: Rose - Email

There were two guys, and one day they found a house of ill repute. The
first guy goes in. He comes out a few minutes later and says with a
sneer, "My wife is better!"
Then the second guy goes in, comes out and says, "You know what? Your
wife IS better."
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2) Stupid Men - Sent by: Rose - Email

Has it occurred to you how stupid men are - think this out-
If men can run the world why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?"
3) Driving - Sent by: Hector Perera - Email: Hector@hperera. freeserve. co. uk

A Ploiceman saw a couple driving a car with the man putting one hand under her blouse while driving it with one hand on the steering. He didn't want to charge him but just said to the man' If I were you I would use both hands'. The man said' I like to use both hands but more...

A terrible flood hit a small town, sending the rescue units out. It just so happened that a devoutley religioius woman lived in this town when the flood hit, and she sat down to wait for God to save her.
When the first rescue boat came in the worker called for her to come out but she just shook her head and said "Thank you, but my God will save me." Shaking his head the rescue worker moved on. The waters rose and she climbed to the second story of her home to wait for God.
A second boat came by and the worker called out "Listen lady we've got to get you out of here!" Once again she thanked him profusely and said "My God will save me."
The waters rose a third time forceing her to her roof. The water was just closing around her ankels when a third boat came by. "Lady, I'm the last boat out if you don't come now you're going to die." She just smiled "My God will save me" she said quietly. Frustrated the worker moved more...

A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says,"Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too."
Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?"
Bernie says, "You're going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?"
Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me..."
"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife...
"Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?"