Roseanne Jokes

Guaranteed spot on "Geraldo"
In family Christmas card photo, you'll always be at the top of the pyramid
Two words: engagement tattoo
You have a say in who the three of you will marry next
They're really rich
On wedding night, you get to operate the winch
Finally satisfy your family who's been nagging you to settle down with some nice man and woman
Your very own five-inch section of the bed
When you marry Roseanne, you automatically get your own TV show
No leftover wedding cake

Did ya hear Roseanne was arrested for dealing drugs???
They lifted her dress and found 50 pounds of crack.

Words From Famous Women...
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde." - Dolly Parton
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner
"He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant" - Carol
Leifer
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." - Wendy Liebman
"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne
"I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?" - Wendy Liebman
"I think-therefore I'm single" - Lizz Winstead
"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is more...

Words From Famous Women. .. "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." - Dolly Parton "I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne "My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner "He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant" - CarolLeifer "I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." - Wendy Liebman "I'm not going to vacuum' til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne "I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?" - Wendy Liebman "I think-therefore I'm single" - Lizz Winstead "Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy more...

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
- Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.
- Roseanne
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog, or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet, or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks
This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"
- Judy Tenuta
I've more...