Roses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Before marraige-"roses are red, violets are blue, urbeautiful, i love u After marraige-"roses are dead, i am blue, u get on my nerves., someday ill kill u"

Roses are groovy
Violets are funky
I'm thinking of you
And spanking my monkey!


Roses are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit!


Roses are red
It's elementary
Let's ring up a friend
and try double entry!


Roses are red
Violets are finer
Chickens are fowl
So's your Vaginer!


Roses are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You're about to get fisted.


Roses are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I've just come
Pass me a hanky.


Roses are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
'Cause here comes my willy!


Roses are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your top
And show us your tits.


Roses make me laugh
Violets make me bitter
You're a dirty bitch
And you love it up the shitter.

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

There was a young farmer who lived on a rock
He liked to count sheep while he fingered his...
Marbles and toys as in days of old yore
And for a companion he had a young...
Maiden whose passion was playing with dolls
She told him she wanted to nuzzle his...
Sweet violets
Sweeter than the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
In sweet violets
The farmer was pleased with all of his luck
She claimed that she'd show him a new way to...
Bring up the children and teach them to knit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling...
Hay from the stables and filling the rick
He told her he'd let her grab hold of his...
Long middle finger which had a slight rash
To soothe it he jammed it right into her...
Sweet violets
Sweeter than the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
In sweet violets
The farmer then left her and went off to hunt
He said, "While I'm gone take good care of your...
Little more...

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you're not.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

Every time I see your face.
I wish I were in outer space.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it's true, I'd prefer you inside out.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in, to smell this way.

My feelings for you no words can tell.
Except for maybe' go to hell.'

1) Last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana!
2) Life sucks... and then you die!
3) What are you gonna do for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?!
4) If life is so perfect why are you still here?!
5) Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
and so are you,
but the roses are wilting,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl is empty,
and so is your head.

A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers: Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: Condolances Inside caption:. .. on the loss of your remote control. Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands. Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together... Inside caption: I swear I'll leave my wife soon! Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses. Cover caption: Get well soon, darling! Inside caption: This house doesn't clean itself! Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt. Cover caption: To my golf partner... Inside caption: Just to let you know, I'm sleeping with my secretary. Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: In more...