Rotten Jokes / Recent Jokes
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef. "Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?"
Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left."
The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference."
Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, "Where'd you get those eggs?"
She replies, "We have our own chicken farm."
The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster?
"No," she says.
The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens."
Why didn't the pigs eat the rotten eggs in their feed trough? They were saving the best for last.
An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits. A visitor asked a student: "Why you throw tomatoes at the man and now you are applauding him?""We want an encore. I still have some tomatoes left!" explained the student.
Two couple were sitting on the porch one afternoon rocking in their rocking chairs. All the sudden the old man reaches over and slaps his wife.
She says, "Well what was that for?"
He says, "Thats for 40 years of rotten sex!"
She doesn't reply and they start rocking again.
All the sudden the old lady reaches up and slaps her husband.
He says, "Well what was that for?"
She says, "That's for knowing the difference!"
Why didnt the pigs eat the rotten eggs in their feed trough? They were saving the best for last.
One morning I awoke and stumbled out of my bedroom to find a snake behind the wall unit in my hallway. It had a black and yellow tail with it's head hidden behind the unit. After screaming blue murder and gathering my children on top of the kitchen table, I proceeded to ring every darn place in the phone book that I thought could help me get rid of it.
I rang everyone, from government departments to the police, even the RSPCA. No-one had anyone that could come and get the snake. After several hours on the kitchen table, the snake still had not moved. I figured he may have swallowed a mouse and was stuck.
Desperately in need of a bathroom break (we couldn't use ours as it would have meant walking past the snake) we bundled into the car and went down and used the one at KFC. We returned home to find that the rotten snake was still there.
One last desperate phone call (at around 5pm) was made to a pest control company. Yes... (thank goodness) they did more...