Newton Jokes

If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the' 90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh. How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou. If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then more...

If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the '90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to more...

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, hey! it's the '90's!, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elto John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.
If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny more...

One day all the scientists in heaven decided to play hide-n-seek. Einstein was "it" and had to count up to 100 and then start searching.

Einstein starts counting... "1,2,3..."

Everyone starts hiding except Newton who just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

"97,98,99... 100!" He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front.

Einstein immediately sees him and starts yelling, "Newton's out! Newton's out!"

Newton denies and says, "I am not out. I am not Newton."

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared. That makes me Newton per meter squared since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal. Therefore, Pascal is OUT!"

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven............
They decide to play hide-n-seek......... Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den........... He is supposed to count up to 100... and then start searching.....
Everyone starts hiding except Newton......... Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein...........
Einstein's counting
1, 2, 3...... 97, 98, 99..... 100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newton's out.. newton's.... out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out........
He claims that he is not Newton......
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton..........
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared..... That makes me Newton per meter squared...... since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT..........