Rubber Jokes / Recent Jokes
A dentist was preparing to clean an elderly woman's teeth. Noticing that she appeared to be a little nervous, he began to tell her a story while he was putting on his rubber gloves.
"Do you know how these rubber gloves are made?" he asked.
"No I don't," she replied.
"Down in Mexico there is a big building set up with a large tank of latex," he spoofed. "The workers there are all picked according to hand size. Each worker goes up to the tank, dips their hands in and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets and dries right onto their hands. Then they peel off the gloves and deposit them in the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and begin the process all over again."
The woman didn't laugh at all! Five minutes into the cleaning procedure, the dentist had to stop because she burst out laughing.
"Oh my," the blushing woman exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"
The following is an actual letter of complaint which I grabbed off the
net many years ago (when it used to be called net.jokes, if you can
remember that long ago!) Unfortunately, I don't have the original
source anymore. Note the date sent and the prices quoted.
Atlanta, Georgia
September 13, 1970
Director
Billing Department
Shell Oil Company
P.O. Box XXXX
Tulsa, Oklahoma 74102
Dear Sir:
I have been a regular customer of the Shell Oil Company for several
years now, and spend approximately $40.00 per month on Shell products.
Until recently, I have been completely satisfied with the quality of
Shell products and with the service of Shell employees.
Included in my most recent statement from your department was a bill
for $12.00 for a tire which I purchased at the Lowell I. Reels Shell
station in McAdenville, N.C. I stopped at this station for gasoline
and to have a timing malfunction corrected. The gasoline cost more...
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,
"What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand...
"the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,"What are those for?"The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand..."the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"
Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?A: She wanted to stretch her legs.
A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers.
The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.
“Well” said the drunk, “it looks like plastic and feels like rubber. ”
“Let me have it” said the lawyer.
Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. “Yes” he finally said, “it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don’t know what it is. Where did you get it? ”
“From my nose” the drunk replied.