Rude Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It don't matter what you call him, he ain't commin'!

There was this man with a really bad studder and he was very ugly. He was rich though. He and his friend were at the beach one day and he said man I really want some sex. How do I get some. His friend told him to buy a boat chicks dig boats.
Well a couple of weeks later the two friends ran into each other. His friend asked him how did the boat thing work out. The friend replied " Well it went good I was getting chicks left and right until I met this one girl. I asked her if she wanted to go out on my boat and of course she did cause chicks dig boats. Well I did what I do with all the other girls I took her way out in the ocean away from everything. I told her put out or swim. Well she pulled down her bathing suit and it was the most god-awful smell the fish were dying in the ocean from it. I told her no nevermind. Well she told me eat or swim."
The friend looked shocked he asked "well what did you do?"
The other guy replied "well you didnt hear more...

Whats the worst part about eating vegtables?
Putting them back in their wheel chair

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "MAN, That is the ugliest baby I've EVER seen!"
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and started getting really worked up.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Hey! He's a public servant and he shouldn't say things to insult the passengers."
"You're right!" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey!"

Mum caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day.
She told him - "Johnny dearest, good boys save it till they're
18."
Johnny did. And by 18, he had 11 jars full!

This couple were going on there first date.The guy had gone to pick his date up for dancing her father goes."
You two going dancing"
The boy replyed yes and her dad says"
She loves to screw she'd screw all night if she could"
.A few hours later she comes and yells at her dad"
Daddy!!! It's called the twist.

what do you call a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fany e.c.t?
a block of flaps!