Rude Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would please her and took a little bird out of its cage.
"This is Chet," he said, "and Chet can sing Christmas carols and songs." Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer's face, he proceeded to demonstrate.
"He needs warming up," he said. "Lend me your cigarette lighter."
The storekeeper lifted Chet's left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet sang: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful.
"That's fantastic," said the customer.
"And listen to this," said the storekeeper, warming Chet's other wing.
Chet sang: O Little Town of Bethlehem.
"Wrap him up," said the customer, "I'll take him!"
When he got home he greeted his wife: "Honey, I can't wait until Christmas to show you what I got you. This is fantastic."
He unwrapped Chet's cage and more...

One day ashley was walking down the street she said I want to kick somebody ass. then someone said im going to stick my foot so far that you can smell it and she went home crying.

A recent survey asked 100 women if their c#*t twitched after sex.
98% replied no he usually just rolls over and falls asleep.

What do you call nuts on the wall. (wallnuts)
What do you call nuts on your chest. (Chestnuts)
What do you call nuts on your chin, (they say chinnuts), you say "no dick in your mouth"

What do you call the space between Pamela Andersons breasts?
Silicon valley

Why did brad leave jen? Because angelina said she would, spit some pitts

It goes in dry and comes out wet, the longer its in the stronger its gets, when it comes out it drips and saggs, Its not what you think its TETLEY TEA BAGS !!!