Rude Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was an American on a buisness trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars until he discovered that an old lady's tiny dog was taking up a whole seat.So he said to the lady, "Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can't find a seat."Now this wasn't a nice lady, so she replied, "You rude American! My little poodles needs somewhere to be!"So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. "Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?"Of course, the woman's reply was about the same as the first one, "You again?! Go away you rude man, don't bother my poodles!"So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, "Move your mutt lady!" The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child.Finally he'd more...
write christmas on one foot and thanksgiving on the other foot and ask to spend some time between the holidays
There was an american who went to Mexico. He was walking around. He got tired so he stoped at this donkey renting place. He told the clerk he would like to rent a donkey. The clerk told him we dont call them donkeys here we call them asses. So he got an ass. The clerk also told him that to get them to go you have to scratch them. Later on he stoped to get a hotdog. He asked the clerk for one. The clerk said we dont call them hotdogs here we call them weiners. So he went a while then the ass stoped.He got off. The american saw this tourist he asked him if he could hold his weiner while he scratched his ass.
There were three friends, one a smoker, one a gay and the other a drinker. They felt ill and went to the Doctor but the doctor told them they will die on their next plague in any of the above activities.
They went out on day and the drinker said he cant stay away from drinking so he just dashed to a drinking bar and did good to himself after which he died.
The smoker and the gay were taking a stroll and the smoker saw a piece of cigarrete on the ground and tried bending to pick it up.
Gay: 'Hey Hey Hey, Dont Bend else we will all Die'
Sammie
one day a priest and a nun were on a camel through a desert, when all of a sudden the camel falls over and dies. so they decide to set up camp under a nearby tree. a couple of days later the priest was moaning and groaning saying that he was going to die. the nun then tried to tell him that he was speaking rubbish. so to cheer him up she asked him if there was anything he would like her to do. so after a minute of thinking the priest said, " well ive never seen a female in the nude. could you take off your clothes?" so the nun did as the priest asked. then she tells the priest that she had never seen a male in the nude either, so she asked him to take off his clothes. so the priest did and as he was standing beside the tree the nun asked the priest what was hanging between his legs. he said, " if i stick this in a female it will create new life". so the nun said, "well, dont worry about sticking it in me, stick it in the camel!