Rudy Jokes

This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

These stories come under the heading:' 'Doc! I was minding my own business when.........

KENNETT, MO - Paramedics rescued a man who had lodged his penis in his bathroom sink drain. The man had been trying to change a light bulb above the sink when he slipped on the lip and fell. His penis sustained heavy bruising and abrasions and swelled so much that he was unable to remove it from the drain. A neighbor, hearing his shouts, called police. They broke the door down, despite the victim's fevered pleas that he was fine and in no need of assistance. Paramedics arrived within 10 minutes and administered an injection, causing the swelling to drop so that the penis could be removed without damage to it or the sink.

LOS ANGELES, CA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza, was released from a trauma center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum.' 'My dog drags the thing all over the house,'' he said later.' 'He must have dragged it into the shower. I slipped on the tile, more...

Rudy Gay said the odds of him signing a contract extension are at 50-50. Those are the same odds that googling his name will bring you to a gay porn site.

Former New York City Mayor and GOP presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani will speak at Pat Robertson's Regent University in April, the school announced Thursday.

The news comes a day after it was announced that former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, one of Giuliani's chief rivals for the Republican presidential nomination, will deliver Regent's commencement address on May 5.

Giuliani will be the featured speaker at the University's Executive Leadership Series on April 17. The forum will be available to both Regent students and members of the community, according to Regent spokeswoman Sherri Stocks.

"Having provided strong leadership during critical times uniquely qualifies Mayor Rudy Giuliani to speak to Regent students and local community members," Stocks told CNN, adding "and having no qualms about hypocricy uniquely qualifies him to kiss Pat Robertson's ass."