Ruler Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why did the boy take the ruler to bed? He wanted to see how long he slept.
1. Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.
2. With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
4. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws more...
There are four wheels and eight men on a fire engine.Four and eight makes 12.There are 12 inches in a ruler.Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.The Queen Elizabeth was a ship.Ships sail in the sea.The sea has fish.Fish have fins.The Finns are always fighting the Russians.Russians are known as "red".Fire engines are always rushin', and that's why they're red.
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north, and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide ruler from his pocket, the patient calculates stuff rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man more...