Wrap Jokes

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub more...

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler more...

1. Go to the crafts store.
2. Purchase one or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of
paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan.
3. Return home.
4. Unwrap the dried fruit, carefully folding the wrapper inside-
out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. Better
yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it
for insulation in the attic.
5. Mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the
disposable cake pan. Place dried fruit on top, gently
pushing in so it looks "baked" in the "batter." Let dry.
6. Take your "fruitcake" out of the disposable cake pan.
7. Cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding
the fruit.
8. Wrap your "fruitcake" in festive, colored saran wrap and
finish with a bow. I like using red wrap because it gives a
warm glow to the "fruitcake."
9. Give your "fruitcake" to someone you more...

1. Cover your stump before you hump.2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you go into heat, package your meat.13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis.14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse.15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.18. The right selection! Protect your erection.19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.20. A crank with armor will never harm her.21. If yo really love her, wear a cover.22. Don't make more...