Rules Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are two rules for success in life:
Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know.

NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.
VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.
BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark - a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...
LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the more...

There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1 - Don't tell people everything you know.

There are two rules for success in life:
Rule 1 - Don't tell people everything you know.

There are two rules in life:
Number 1: Don't tell everything you know.

Sylvester Stallone said he brought 48 vials of HGH into Australia because he "just didn't understand some of the rules here."

I'd like to explain the rules to Stallone in a way he might understand.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney. 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.