Sad Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pyjamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.. Please put your Private Part back inside your pyjamas."
But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your more...
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were more...
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist.
Mom, he doesn`t even believe there`s a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway.
Between the two of us, we`ll show him how wrong he is."
1) When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
2) When you are scared... I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get.
3) When you are worried... I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining.
4) When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
5) When you are lost... I will answer my cell phone and give you directions.
6) When you are sick... I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god, and hand you a paper towel to wipe your mouth.
7) When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge till the end. Why? Because you're my friend.
One fine, sunny morning, a priest took a walk in the local forest. He was walking by a small stream when, sitting on a nearby toadstool, he noticed a sad, sad-looking frog. "What's wrong with you?" said the priest.
"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."
"Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain?"
"Once upon a time I was an 11-year-old Choirboy at your very church. I too was walking by this stream when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest.' Let me pass!' I cried, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into the frog you now see before you."
"That's an incredible story!" said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing the witch's spell?"
"Yes," said the frog. "It is said that if a nice kind person would pick me up, more...
Sally was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, had never seen Sally looking so sad. Liz said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?" Sally replied, "Because I just can't get a man." Liz said, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods." "Don't be so silly, Sally said, "I know that. I went in the woods because I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it." Liz said, "I don't understand what you're talking about." Sally replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage." "So, how's that gonna help you get a man?" asked Liz. Sally said, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."