Safe Jokes / Recent Jokes
A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."
A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. Whilefishing, the old man starts talking about how times havechanged. The young man picks up on this and starts talkingabout the various problems and diseases going around.Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problemswith all these diseases when you were young did they?"Grandpa replies, "Nope."Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."
A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so.
Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.
As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."
Weird Local USA Sex Laws
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you-or holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. more...
GUIDE TO SAFE FAX
Q: DO I HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO HAVE SAFE FAX?
A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many
single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q: MY PARENTS SAY THEY NEVER HAD FAX WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG AND
WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO WRITE MEMOS TO EACH OTHER UNTIL THEY
WERE TWENTYONE. HOW OLD DO YOU THINK SOMEONE SHOULD BE
BEFORE THEY CAN FAX?
A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the
correct procedure.
Q: IF I FAX MYSELF, WILL I GO BLIND?
A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.
Q: THERE IS A PLACE ON OUR STREET WHERE YOU CAN GO AND PAY
FOR FAX. IS THIS LEGAL?
A: Yes. many people have no other outlet for their fax drives
and must pay a "professional" when their needs to fax
become too great.
Q: SHOULD A COVER ALWAYS BE USED FOR more...
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned." Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"