Saint Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were three nuns at the pearly gates of heaven about to enter when Saint Peter appeared and said,
"To enter heaven, must answer three questions about the bible." The nuns agreed.
"Sister Anges," he continued, "Who was the first man to be created on Earth?"
"Adam, of course," she answered.
"Congratulations! You're in!" he said.
"Now, Sister Clementine. Who was the first women to be created on Earth?"
"Eve!" she said.
"Conglatulations! You're in too!"
"The last question is for you, Sister Mary. What did Eve say to Adam the first time she saw him?"
She thought about it.
"Oooh. That's a hard one." she said ponderously.
"Congratulations! You're in!" Saint Peter said.

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,
“You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to
sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are? ”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk? ”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein! ” he says. “Welcome
to heaven! ”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk? ”
Saint Peter says, “Go ahead. ” Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few
strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! ” he says. more...

An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick. Included in the price was a certificate of the skulls authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself. Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains. "Ive got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "Its the genuine skull of Saint Patrick". "You swindler!" shouted the American. "You sold me that ten years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, theyre not even the same size!""You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad."

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "Oh, No!" she said.But Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" asked Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" "That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter. Then the Blonde started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney. ..
Oh Lordy!
A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I`m Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom."
So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, "I am Michael O`Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary`s for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list and says, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and more...

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.
Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute more...

A man dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter asks him what religion he belongs to. The man tells him and Saint Peter says "oh, we have a lot of your kind here. In fact, we have a special room for all of you so you can all be together!"He leads the man down a long hallway with doors on either side. They pass one door and they hear a bunch of yelling and hollering inside. "Who's in that room?" the man asks. "Oh, those are the holy rollers," says Saint Peter. "They make a lot of noise but they're pretty harmless". They pass by another door which is nearly shaking off its hinges. "Who's in there?" the man asks. "That's the room for the Shakers" replies Saint Peter. Then they approach another door. Saint Peter whispers to the man, "we must be very quiet going past this door. Don't make a sound." They tiptoe past the door and when they get farther down the hallway the man asks Saint Peter who was in that room." Oh, more...