Salary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"And the HR Person said, "Certainly,. ..but you started it."

ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION:You'll be making under $6 an hour.- - - - -"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY":You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.- - - - -"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY":There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft.- - - - -"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN":Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left.- - - - -"COMPETITIVE SALARY:"We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.- - - - -"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:"We have no time to train you. (and/or)Please introduce yourself to your co-workers.- - - - -"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:"Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago.- - - - -"IMMEDIATE OPENING:"The person who had this job gave notice a month ago.We're just now running the ad.- - - - -"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:"We're can't supply you with leads; (and/or)there's no base salary to speak of; more...

Actual Fast Food Job Application
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a fast-food establishment...
NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY more...

When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men he said he couldnt increase my pay, but if I told him the names of the three men hed fire them.

Q.- NAME:
A.- Iam Applyin
Q.- DESIRED POSITION:
A.- Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
Q.- DESIRED SALARY:
A.- $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Q.- EDUCATION:
A.- Yes.
Q.- LAST POSITION HELD:
A.- Target for middle-management hostility.
Q.- SALARY:
A.- Less than I'm worth.
Q.- MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
A.- My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Q.- REASON FOR LEAVING:
A.- It sucked.
Q.- HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
A.- Any.
Q.- PREFERRED HOURS:
A.- 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Q.- DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
A.- Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
Q.- MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
A.- If I had one, would I be more...

Q.- NAME:A.- Iam ApplyinQ.- DESIRED POSITION:A.- Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.Q.- DESIRED SALARY:A.- $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.Q.- EDUCATION:A.- Yes.Q.- LAST POSITION HELD:A.- Target for middle-management hostility.Q.- SALARY:A.- Less than I'm worth.Q.- MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:A.- My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.Q.- REASON FOR LEAVING:A.- It sucked.Q.- HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:A.- Any.Q.- PREFERRED HOURS:A.- 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.Q.- DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:A.- Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.Q.- MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:A.- If I had one, would I be here? Q.- DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROMLIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:A.- Of what? Q.- DO YOU more...

Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies.If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO!It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense.Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.The Clintons charge the Federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of that extra residence, more...