Salary Jokes / Recent Jokes
Reaching the end of the job interview, the interviewer asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The candidate responded confidently, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package,"
The HR person said,"Well, what would you say to a benefits package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two year - say a red Corvette?"
The graduate sat up, mouth agape and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer responded,"Of course... but you started it !"
Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work/Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity,
regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make. Bummer.
You know you're out of college when...
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00 am is not early.
9. You have to file your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for "jackass".
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15 . "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather more...
You know you're out of college when...1. Your salary is less than your tuition.2. Your potted plants stay alive.3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.8. 8:00 am is not early.9. You have to file your own taxes.10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.11. You're not carded anymore.12. You carry an umbrella.13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for "jackass".14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15 . "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up.17. You start watching the weather channel.18. Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.19. You can more...
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person said, "Certainly,. ...but you started it."
Heaven:
An American salary.
A British home.
Chinese food.
A Japanese wife.
Hell:
A Chinese salary.
A Japanese home.
British food.
An American wife.
or...
Heaven is where the Lovers are Italian, the Engineers are German, the Police are British, and it is all managed by the Swiss.
Hell is where the Lovers are Swiss, the Engineers are British, the Police are German, and it is all managed by the Italians!
When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men he said he couldn't increase my pay, but if I told him the names of the three men he'd fire them.