Salary Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is an actual job application!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that more...

This is an actual jobapplication someone submitted at a fast-food establishment... NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? DO YOU more...

You know you're out of college when... 1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your potted plants stay alive. 3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd. 4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 5. You have to pay your own credit card bill. 6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal. 7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year. 8. 8: 00 am is not early. 9. You have to file your own taxes. 10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work. 11. You're not carded anymore. 12. You carry an umbrella. 13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for "jackass". 14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married. 16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up. 17. You start watching the weather channel. 18. Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your more...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a
young engineer fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you looking
for?"

The engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $125, 000 a year, depending
on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching
retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years
-- say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

The interviewer replied, "Well Yeah, but you started it."

Boss: You're requesting a high salary for someone with no experience in this field.

Applicant: Yes, but the job's so much harder when you don't know anything about it.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

A Sri Lankan politician namely S. B. Dissanayake went to the U. S. to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion and lush grounds and costly furnishings.

"But how can you afford all this on a meager senator's salary?" the minister asked. The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"You see that river?"
"Yes."
"You see the bridge over it?"
"Of course," said the minister.
"Just Ten percent of the project" the senator said smugly.
Some time later, the senator had occasion to pay a return visit. S. B lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to the minister's house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, which glittered with precious art and bustled with hundreds of servants.

"But how can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Sri Lankan more...