Sale Jokes / Recent Jokes
For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas. No longer need them - damn wife knows everything!!
These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 TICKLE ME ELMO. NEW IN BOX. HARDLY TICKLED. $700 VALENTINES DAY SALE: TY-D-BOL BLUE TOSS-INS STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15 DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC TANK PUMPED. FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK + BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Great Dames for sale.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
For Sale-Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or more...
For sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
For sale: Four-posted bed, 101 years old, perfect for antique lover.
CLASSIFIED ERRORS, from a small-town daily:
(Monday) FORE SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 p. m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
(Tuesday) NOTICE - We regret having erred in R. D. Jone's ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap: 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7 p. m.
(Wednesday) NOTICE - R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected as follows: FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.
(Thursday) NOTICE - I, R. D. Jones, have NO sewing machine for sale. I SMASHED IT. Don't call 555-0707, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have NOT been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit."
FOR SALE: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.