Sale Jokes / Recent Jokes
•Include your children when baking cookies! •Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted•Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says•British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands•Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. •A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. •Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children $2. 00. •For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. •For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar. •Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. •Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. •Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory•Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. •We do not tear your clothing with more...
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Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery.
Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
3-year old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children $2. 00
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers
Now is your chance to more...
BANDERSNATCH CHRISTMAS SHOPPING LIST
This year The Frumious Bandersnatch highlights some of the more
arcane or utterly worthless things you can give as a Christmas
gift.
PHOTO PANTIES
Have your picture silk screened onto your girlfriend's panties
for only $19. 95. You can imagine all the creative purposes this
can be put to.
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK II
The new edition of this game is designed for know-it-alls and
includes questions about subjects such as the difference between
Visigoths and Ostergoths that are sure to stump them.
FREE BAJA ARIZONA BUMPER STICKERS
We still have a supply of our non-waterproof bumper stickers that
melt away at the first drop of rain. Good for use only in
extremely arid regions.
WAX BULLETS
Perfect for shooting insects inside your house, our wax bullets
come in 22 and 38 caliber sizes.
LIVE TUMBLEWEEDS
Decorate your house in more...
In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of Ming Dynasty china.
He strolled into the store and offered five dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said Morris the proprietor.
"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."
"Make it twenty and it's a deal," said Morris, and pocketed the $20 on the spot.
"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the antique connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it."
"Nothing doing," said Morris, the deli owner, firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 32 stray cats."
Sven notices his neighbor has a sign in his yard-"Boat for Sale."
"Ole," he says, "you don't own a boat. All you got is your old tractor and your combine."
"Yup," said Ole. "And they're boat for sale."
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
A preacher walked up to him and asked why he was calling them dam fish? The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to "cook the dam fish".
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that." So the preacher explained to her why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them.
When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, "Cool, that's the spirit dad. Do you mind passing me the ******* potatoes?"
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the more...