Sand Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.

Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, "There really is no justice in the world."

The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"

The first little old lady replied, "Look at that.

When I was 20, I was curious about it.

When I was 30, I more...

Construction, and many more....!

"Construction site"
An Italian, Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction
site. The manager points out a huge pile of sand and says to the
Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping". To the Irishman, "You're in
charge of shovelling". To the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of
supplies".
"Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a
dent in that pile."
So the manager goes away for a couple of hours. And when he returns,
the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you
sweep any of it?
The Italian guy replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese
guy was in charge of the supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't
find him."
So then the manager turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get more...

A baby Camel goes up to its mother and says "Why do we have long eyelashes," and the mother reply"To stop sand getting in our eyes."
A few moments later the baby camel comes up to his mother and askes" why do we have long toes" and the mother replys" To stop us from sinking in the sand."
A few moments later the baby camel walke up to his anyoed mother and say"Why do we have these humps on our back" and the mother replys to store water in them."
"So we have eyelashed to stop sand from getting in our eyes, long toes to stop us sinking in the sand and humps to store water in, but mum, why are we in London zoo?

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. Hes crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. Theres a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes." "Im not falling for this." says the man. "Im not going to trust a used car salesman!" "What do you have to lose? Youve got no transportation, and it looks like youre a goner anyway! " The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. more...

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shovelling." To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad, but I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left more...

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard. "Sand," said the cyclist. "Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smu ggling?" "Bicycles!"

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "All right, all right. I'm *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become more...