Sand Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you have if you've got 1000 Man Utd fans up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.

"Sand," said the cyclist.

"Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?" more...

The first grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess.

Teacher asks Sarah, "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write' sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie.

Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
Teacher says, "Good. If you write' box' correctly on blackboard, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." Morris does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."
Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write' blatant racial discrimination,' I'll give you a cookie."

One day there were three guys, a blond a black and a brown head. these three guys worked on top of a relly high building. there wifes always packed there lunches for them. they packed them a apple a juice box and a penut butter sand witch. now these three guys got penut butter sandwitches for 2 weeks straight so one day they all made a promise that if they got penut butter sandwithces the next day they would jump and kill them selfs of the building! the next day srue anofe there was a penut butter sandwithce in each lunch box. the brown hair said let there be peace in the world and jumed of the bulding. the black hair one said same here. the blondy said hey it seems to be a trend and i promised so here it gose and he jumped. the next day the boss went to the funarils the boss said why are you cring? brown hairs wife said why did i pack him a penut butter sandwith why?
the boss gose to the black hairs funaril and see the wife crying and the boss said y r u cring? y did i pack him a more...

One sunny day on the North Sea a creative little boy was playing in the sand trying to decide what to make. He discovered some Scheiss (you can guess what that is) on the beach so he decided to make a VoPo (People`s Policeman). Just as he was finishing, along comes a VoPo, trying to make sure no one swims to Denmark. He decides to ask the little boy what that ugly thing made of Scheiss is. The little boy responds: "It`s a VoPo!" So the officer beats him.
The next day, the boy is on the beach making the same creation when that same officer comes along and sees the boy is playing with the Scheiss again, and asks what he is doing. The boy responds "I`m making another VoPo!" So the officer beats him.
The day after that, the officer is strolling the beach, sees the boy playing just with sand, and is glad to see he has switched his medium. So he asks boldly "what are you making today?" The boy responds: "A G. I.!" The officer asks: "And more...

A husband and wife were walking on a beach.
The wife finds a lamp half buried in the sand and picks it up.
When she began to rub the sand off, a Genie rises out of the lamp.
"Mistress, I will grant you three wishes. But, what ever you wish, your husband will receive 10 times more. What will you wish for first?"
The wife thought for a minute. "I wish for 1 ton of gold"
The genie said,"You will be given 1 ton of gold and your husband will be given 10 tons of gold. Granted. And what will your second wish be?"
The wife thought again for a minute, then said,"I wish for a grand palace."
The genie said,"You will be given 1 palace and your husband will be given 10 palaces. Granted. And what will your final wish be? And let me remind you, whatever you wish will be given to your husband 10 times.!"
The woman didn't hesitate.
"For my third wish, I want a teeny, weeny....... heart attack."

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot, everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."