Saw Jokes / Recent Jokes

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he saw walking
down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the

road, he swerved to hit him and there would be a loud "THUMP". Then he

would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along the road he saw a priest

hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good deed and pulled the truck over.

"Where are you going, Father?" The truck driver asked.

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road", replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck". The happy

priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down

the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road.

Instinctively he swerved to hit him. At the last moment he remembered there

was a priest more...

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I cant swim. Please save her. Ill give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, wheres my hundred dollars?"The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

An traveler decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10, 000 per call".
The traveler, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10, 000 you could talk to God.
The traveler thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10, 000 he could talk to God. "O. K., thank you," said the traveler.
He then traveled to Pakistan, Srilanka, Russia, more...

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Process-Oriented God If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines. Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day. And God said, “Let the committee draw up a mission statement. ” And behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good. And evening and morning were the second day. And God said, “Let the committee determine goals and objectives and engage in long-term planning. ” Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third day. Although the more...

One day, there was this lady walking up the street, she was dressed in her best outfit because she was about to visit her fian-ce. As she walked through the park, she saw some guys, they said "hey miss, nice dress you got there", "thanks" she replied... so she kept walking
When she was about to turn inher boyfriend's street, she saw her worse enemy, it was a tall, totally hot model, and she though "damn, here she comes" the model waved at her and approached her rapidly... and she said "hey nice dress you have there!" she was surprised at her kindness and said in a low voice "thank you, nice dress you have too"
the model said, "oh yes, i know". Then she kept walking... and left her sight

There once was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Red head. They were all running from the FBI. They ran and ran. They saw this barn, they ran in. Then they saw 3 burlap sacks and hid in them.
The FBI guys entered the barn, and seeing the sacks kicked the first one which the brunette was in.
'Meow meow' says the bag.
'Oh its just some cats' says the man. He does kicks the next sack that the red head was in.
'Bark, Ruff!' comes from within the sack.
'Oh, its just a bunch of dogs!' he says.
Then he goes to the last sack that the blonde was in, and before he could kick it, she said' Potatoes!'