Scientific Jokes / Recent Jokes
New scientific theories4th RunnerUp-- The earth may spin faster on its axis due todeforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increaseswhen the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of talltrees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
New scientific theories2nd RunnerUp- The' Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawnto equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure changeoutside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, sothey must yawn to even it all out.
Billy the rabbit was a scientific experimental rabbit, They kept him loecked up in a cage 24 hours a day with no room to run jump and play.
He was totally pissed off by this. One day, however, Billy discovered how to unhook the cage latch and open the door! Woah! He could escape - be free! He kept silent, then when night came, made his move. Opening the cage he leapt out and run for dear life out into freedom. He ran until he came to his old patch - all his friends were there still.
"Whey hey! It's Billy" they all cheered as the fed him gourmet lettuce and water. "You shall have the best we can provide" they all said.
Billy was happy that they remembered him and helped himself to the lion's share of the best food they could find.
His friends also gave him the pick of the chicks that night, "Here, Billy - chose whichever you want - however many you want!"
Billy chose Roberta and Hannah, he chose wisely - they were the best looking more...
Overused plot lines:
Post-cataclysmic rag-tag armies struggle to kick the Rooskies out of the good ol' US of A.
Post-cataclysmic rag-tag armies struggle to survive against gangs of bandits, mutants, cyberpunks, bikers, etc.
The rag-tag rebel army/fleet struggles valiantly to overthrow the Evil Empire.
The Good Guys travel through time to stop a historical Bad Guy, usually Hitler.
The Bad Guy travels through time to kill the Hero in his childhood, or prevent him from ever being born.
The Chronocops travel in time to catch a Bad Guy who escaped into some other era.
Scientists work feverishly to develop a cure for the Supervirus or a weapon to stop the Invincible Bad Guys.
An alien:
Is stranded on earth;
Befriends a human child or falls in love with an earth gal;
Is pursued by shadowy malevolent Pentagon officials under the pretense of national more...
A short while ago, someone posted the annual scientific analysis of the Santa Claus story, which can be summed as as "Santa Claus - he dead." Traumatized, I forwarded it one to my friend, Joe Beirne, who knows more about science than I do. He returned this rebuttal. As far as I can figure it, Santa lives. It is we that are an illusion.
here's the answer:
--- Forwarded message ---
Date: Wed, 18 Dec 1996
From: Joe Beirne
To: Michael Pollak
Subject: Re: The scientific view of Santa
Santa is probably a creature entirely existant only in the 23rd dimension. Mass, velocity and time have no measurable effect on his efforts on Christmas. As a matter of fact, true-to-legend, in his sub-atomic world it is *always* Christmas. He has essentially forever to deliver the presents, which he unfolds to 4 dimensions using some kind of gravity well (?) (He probably does not live on the North Pole per se, but on one pole of a dipole quantum singularity from whence he more...
Quickly read through the following text and count the number of F's in it.
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS
Managed it?
Scroll down only after you have counted them!
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>
>
OK?
How many?
Three?
Wrong, there are six - no joke! Read again!
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS
The reasoning is that the brain cannot process the word "OF".
Incredible or what?
Anyone who counts all six F's on the first go is a genius. Three is normal.
The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen.
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied:
"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.
The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, more...