Score Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed." The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see." The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game. The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?" asked the bartender. The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years."

Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.
If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin.
"CLUES"
I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
When I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good.
I'm spread before I'm eaten.
Your tongue gets me off.
People sometimes lick my nuts.
I assist an erection.
Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I'm called a big swinger.
Over 1,000 people went down on me.
I wasn't maiden for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open.
You stick your poles inside me.
You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before more...

Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin."CLUES"1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.When I'm not well, I drip.When you blow me, I feel good.2. I'm spread before I'm eaten.Your tongue gets me off.People sometimes lick my nuts.3. I assist an erection.Sometimes big balls hang from me.I'm called a big swinger.4. Over 1,000 people went down on me.I wasn't maiden for long.A big hard thing ripped me open.5. You stick your poles inside me.You tie me down to get me up.I get wet before you do.6. When I go in I cause pain.I cause you to spit and ask you not to more...

Pause: A short period in an individual voice in which there should be relative quiet. Useful when turning to the next page in the score, breathing, emptying the horn of salvia, coughing, etc. Is rarely heard in baroque music. Today the minimum requirements for pauses in individual pieces are those of the Musicians' Union (usually one per bar, or 15 minutes per hour).
Score: A pile of all the individual orchestral voices, transposed to C so that nobody else can understand anything. This is what conductors follow when they conduct, and it's assumed that they have studied it carefully. Very few conductors can read a score.
Messiah: An oratorio by Handel performed every Christmas by choirs that believe they are good enough, in cooperation with musicians who need the money.
Gregorian chant: A way of singing in unison, invented by monks to hide snoring.
Atonality: Disease that many modern composers suffer from. The most prominent symptom is the patient's lacking ability to more...

There are TWO teams, with eleven players each (instead of nine as in baseball).

Instead of four bases, there are only two; in the middle of the field, sixty-six feet apart... all running is between the two bases... the ball can be hit in front, OR behind... or, in ANY direction.

Instead of rotating batting for nine innings each, EACH team does all its batting in a SINGLE inning.

The team scoring more runs wins the game.



[NOTE: Unlike baseball, where a pitcher rests every 10 or so pitches when the BATTING rotates, cricket pitchers rest every 6 pitches as their PITCHING rotates.]


The fielding team works with TWO pitchers at the same time.

The first pitcher throws from one base to the other. After six throws, the catcher moves around behind the first pitcher's base, pitcher #2 takes over. He makes six throws in the opposite direction (i. e. towards the starting pitcher's base). The two pitchers keep more...

Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin." CLUES"1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good. 2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. 3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. 4. Over 1, 000 people went down on me. I wasn't maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open. 5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. 6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit more...

Q. What do Michael Jackson and the Yankees have in common??
A. They both need a twelve year old boy to score!