Union Jokes

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels nearby. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized, shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why, yes sir, this IS a Union House."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20." That's more like it!" the UAW man said. He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like more...

The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it was bringing a lawsuit against Santa Claus for violations of the civil rights of children. An ACLU spokesman, Mr. E. Scrooge stated that, "Mr. Claus has been violating children's right to privacy and has been putting that information in a vast database. The information is then used by the law enforcement arm of Mr. Claus' organization to determine which children are considered naughty or nice. It is obvious Mr. Claus has violated the children's rights, as we have alleged in our suit, because of the memos and other company information we have obtained. In addition, we believe Mr. Claus has been engaging in mind control experiments designed to prevent the free expression of beliefs."
Among the documents presented to the courts today was a memo in which reads, in part:
You better watch out.
You better not cry.
You better not pout.
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
He sees more...

Four union members were discussing how smart their dogs were.

The first was a member of the Vehicle Builders Union who said that his dog could do maths calculations. His dog was named "T-Square" and he told him to go to the blackboard and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with cunsumate ease.

The Amalgamated Metal Workers Union member said he thought his dog was much better. His dog, named "Slide Rule", was told to fetch a dozen biscuits and divide them into four piles which Slide Rule did without problem.

The Liquor Trades members admitted that both were quite good but he felt his dog could out perform them. His dog named "Measure" was told to go and get a stubby of beer and pour seven ounces into a 10 ounce glass. The dog did this without a flaw.

They turned to the Waterside Workers Union member and said, "What can your dog do?"

The Waterside Worker called his dog, more...

There are consistent trends in the past evolution of languages, and in
all likelihood they will continue to change in the same fashion in the
future.
In 200 years, spoken French will have only one sound, a vowel. All
consonants and gaps between words and sentences will disappear, leaving
only an extended "Eauuuuuuuuuuuu..." Meaning will be inferred from
facial expression. Written French will stay exactly the same.
These consonants will not be entirely forgotten; they will migrate
to Czechoslovakia, which will by that time have no use for vowels.
In 200 years, the English vocabulary will be the union of all other
vocabularies, but the spelling will be original.
Similarly, the Japanese alphabet will be the union of all other
alphabets in the world.
The Cyrillic alphabet will eventually be the same as the Latin
alphabet, only backwards. A mirror will suffice for translating
Russian into Polish.
Finally, in 200 more...

A dedicated UPS (United Parcel Service) union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels nearby. When he got to the first one, he asked the madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" he asked.
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she says.
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the madam responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a union house."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20," replied the madam.
"That's more like it!" the UPS man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. more...