Screams Jokes

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says "No, I'm really a blonde".

"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."

A man and a woman have just finished shagging when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman's love tunnel.
'Oh God!' she screams. 'Help me! There's a bee up my vagina and it's buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!'
'Let's go says her mate, I'll rush you straight to hospital!'
On arrival at the emergency room the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor.
'What seems to be the problem?' he asks.
'I've got a frigging bee up my vagina' screams the woman. 'Get it out!'
'I see,' says the doctor.'Well, there's only one way to extract this bee. I'm going to have to spread honey on my nob and entice it out.'
The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick.
'Just an inch or two should do it,' he says.
After a few seconds he slides it in a bit further. more...

A man and a woman have just finished shagging when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman's love tunnel. 'Oh God!' she screams. 'Help me! There's a bee up my vagina and it's buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!' 'Let's go says her mate, I'll rush you straight to hospital!' On arrival at the emergency room the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor.'What seems to be the problem?' he asks. 'I've got a frigging bee up my vagina' screams the woman. 'Get it out!' 'I see,' says the doctor.'Well, there's only one way to extract this bee. I'm going to have to spread honey on my nob and entice it out.' The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick. 'Just an inch or two should do it,' he says.After a few seconds he slides it in a bit further. After another few seconds he says 'Hmmm, more...

A guy buys a new Rolls Royce, and is driving it home. He stops at a red light about two blocks from his house when a crapy looking Yugo pulls up next to him. The guy in the Yugo sticks his head out of the window and yells out "Hey thats a sweet lookin car!"
The guy driving the Rolls, rolls down the window and shows a proud smile. The Yugo guy screams out "Did it come with a tv like my Yugo?" The Rolls guy, kind of flustered that his luxury car didnt have a tv, made a U-Turn and drove back to the dealership and made them install the grandest $5000 tv they had. A few days later, the Rolls driver is waiting at a stop sign when the Yugo guy drives up next to him. The Rolls guy starts bragging about the new $5000 20" tv in his car. The yugo guy inquires with a smile, if the Rolls came with leather heated seats like his Yugo. The Rolls guy, mad at the fact that his car didnt, drives back to the dealership and makes them install the finest seats $10,000 can more...

A huge fleet of the english army came to a hill, on the bottom of the hill, there was a forest of trees. Just before the king was about to go down into it he heard a voice from the forest it yelled,

" ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

The king was outraged and he sent two of his best knights down. After much clashing of swords there was blood curdling screams and all was silent.

Again the king heard
" ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

He was now so furious that he sent twenty of his knights down. There were screams of agony and pain...then all was quiet.

again they heard
" ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

The king was know seeing red and in his fury he sent the remaining of his fleet down to the forest. There were screams an clashing of swords and then all was quiet.

The king was dumbfounded!! But one of his more...