Secret Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pagan Lightbulb Jokes (Okay, this is REALLY vague, but I'm sure some people are going to love it...)

*How many lesbian feminist Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!

*How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?

(any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...

*How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.

*How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.

*How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

Not sure.....we'll call Z. Bhudapest and get back to you!

*How many Dianic women does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's W-I-M-M-I-N, more...

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. 'No woman,' said one man, scornfully, 'can keep a secret.'
'I don't know about that,' answered a blonde woman guest. 'I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.'
'You'll let it out some day,' the man insisted.
'I hardly think so!' responded the blonde lady. 'When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.'

One girl, just after her childhood, started doing a part-time job, in a brush factory. In a few months time, she found hair appearing in her secret area, and she was very upset. Day by day, the hair started growing, and she thought this was an effect of the brushes, and that her secret area was converting into a brush. So she decided to quit the job.
She went to meet her boss, who was a middle-aged gentleman, and told him that she was leaving the company. So the the boss asked her why she wanted to leave.
She said, "Look what the brushes are doing to me. A brush has started appearing right here" and showed him her secret area.
The boss, trying to educate her in this subject said, "Look child; this is quite a natural phenomena. It has nothing to do with the brushes. this happens to every one at your age. Look what we got" and showed her his secret area. The girl became horrified, and said "Oh my god! You have got the handle also!", and left more...

President Clinton was on his daily jog with the secret
service agents.
After the run, they all hit the showers.
President Clinton took off his sweat shirt and there
were a pair of womens panties on his chest.
The newest secret service agent, pulled the President aside
and said, "Sir, I do not wish to embarras you, however, you
have a pair of womens panties on your chest!"
The President said, " That's okay, don't worry, that is
my patch, I am trying to give them up!"

Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely? A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes President!

COMPUTERS & ELECTRONICS: As depicted in movies, Word processors never display a cursor. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences. All monitors display inch-high letters. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English. Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see "Fortress"). All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the more...

A traveller saw a very old man that was also seemingly very
happy. The traveller asked the old man, "You're so old, what's
your secret to staying so happy?"
The man replied, "Well, I smoke 6 packs a day as well as smoke a
pipe. I stay up till 5am every night partying and drinking until
I barf. And I'm on lots of drugs and medication."
"So how old ar you?"
The man replied, "25."