Section Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? 3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans? 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? 5. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? 9. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 10. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, more...

Everybody knows there are different opinions to everything. Here are some. * A smoking section in a restaraunt is like a peeing section in a pool. * Always look on the negative side, so you'll never be dissapointed. * Men are like snow storms, you never know how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.

No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored - nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits - nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436. 600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.) It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License. Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection withany religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437. 060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.). All bees more...

1. BadAir: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you. 2. BadAir: We're Amtrak with wings. 3. Join our frequent near-miss program. 4. On flights, every section is a smoking section. 5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements. 6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin. 7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off. 8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall. 9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you. 10. The kids will love our inflatable slides. 11. If you think it's so easy, get your own plane! 12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes? 13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose. 14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street. 15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us. 16. Bring a bathing suit. 17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view. 18. That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our more...

Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars." - KRS 436. 140 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1974) No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436. 600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.) No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for more...

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do. The captain replied "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the more...

How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section? Have them miss every other note.