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Pak dictator Zia is speeding through Germany with his chauffeur at the wheel on his way to an important address. Driving down a country road, the chauffeur (who is distracted, looking out the window at the countryside) doesn't see a pig walk out onto the road, and he hits it.
Stopping the car, he jumps out, and Zia climbs out also to see what is going on. The chauffeur, very distressed by what he's done asks Zia what they should do, and Zia tells him impatiently that they're in a hurry and they should move the pig to the side of the road and go to the address and worry about it later.
All the way to the address the chauffeur, who is a fairly good hearted person despite his employer, is worried about the family who owned the pig and wondered how they'd react to discovering the pig, so when they arrived he asked Zia whether he shouldn't drive back to the farm and let them know what happened.
Zia agrees before hurrying to the podium, and the Chauffeur hurries back down the more...
"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad, I couldn't see where the ball went." "You're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife. "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack. "Yes, but he's got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Did you see where it went?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot."
Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: "God when shall I see the defeat of Bill Clinton."
God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: "God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan."
God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.
Ranil W. visits God and asks him: "God when will I become the President in Sri Lanka." Hearing this, God starts crying.
Ranil W. is astounded and asks: "God why are you crying?" God replies: "Son, I will not see it in my lifetime."
Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
If you never want to see a man again, say,' I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks.
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see afortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, hewent inside and sat down. "Ah....." said the woman as she gazedinto her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children.""That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the fatherof THREE children." The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOUthink."