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Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms

IBM

I Blame Microsoft

Idiots Buy Me

Idiots Building Machines

I'll Buy Macintoshes

It Bit Me

It Built Microsoft

It's Better Manually

I've Been Mislead

I've Been Mugged

WINDOWS

Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed

When I Need Data Output Without Speed

While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation

Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

WIN

Whoppingly Immense NOP

Worm Infestation Netware

MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT

My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology

Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally

WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan

Different Operating Systems Expectations

Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get

MS-DOS: You Asked more...

There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but more...

Q. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie' heart is umbrella'.
Which movie did he really want to see?
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Dil Chhata Hai!

Six sick slick slim sycamore saplings.

A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed biscuits

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

Red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry.

Unique New York.

Betty Botter had some butter,' 'But,'' she said,' 'this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter-- that would make my batter better.''

So she bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter, and she baked it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter. So' twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.

Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick.

Is this your sister's sixth zither, sir?

A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.

The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

Toy boat. Toy boat. Toy boat.

One more...

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me.

"Oldest trick in the book, son," I informed him.

"You go in to see what's wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you on the head. Then they change into your clothes and escape."

"I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking distressed. I immediately knew what to do. Call the professional.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. more...

In Alaska's National Forests, a tourists guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hiking in grizzly bear territory:

"Most bear encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet along the trails in hopes of viewing wildlife, accidentally stumble into bears. The resulting suprise can be catastrophic."

To avoid this, he suggested that each hiker wear tiny bells on their clothing to warn the bears of their presence. "Also," he said further, "be especially cautious when you see signs of bears in the area, especially when you see bear droppings."

One tourist asked, "How do you identify bear droppings?"

"Oh that's easy," the guide explained, "its the ones with all the tiny bells in them!"

THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as' Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into more...