Semen Jokes / Recent Jokes

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.
A young blonde raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?"
"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class. She never returned.
However, as she was going out the door, the professor's reply was classic:
Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."

LAWYER: What did the tissue samples taken from the victims vagina show?
WITTNESS: There were traces of semen.
LAWYER: Male semen?
WITTNESS: That's the only kind I know of.

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks for stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The old man can't believe it. He takes all his little sample jars and goes home.
At home, he tells his wife that the doctor wants stool, urine, blood, and semen samples.
The wife looks aghast and then realisation spreads like the dawn across her wrinkled facial features. "That's easy," she says, relief obvious in her voice. "All he wants is your pajama pants!"

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks for stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The old man can't believe it. He takes all his little sample jars and goes home.At home, he tells his wife that the doctor wants stool, urine, blood, and semen samples.The wife looks aghast and then realisation spreads like the dawn across her wrinkled facial features. "That's easy," she says, relief obvious in her voice. "All he wants is your pajama pants!"

(To The Tune of Good Golly, Miss Monica) Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress
Semen on a blue dress found! Fe, fe, fi, fi, fo, fo, fum
Monica`s dress has the President`s cum! In the Oval Office, on the carpeted floor
Till the Leader of the Country up and hollers for more
In her reinforced kneepads with the Presidential Seal
Seeking out that First Banana to peel! Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress
Semen on a blue dress found! The Commander-in-Chief says, "You do it so well"
"I love it, you creep!" says Monica L.
Poor Hillary`s working on "It Takes A Village"
While Miss Lewinsky`s dress gets a Big Ole` Spillage
She`s not too skinny, she`s not too fat
Every President wants an Intern like that! Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress
Semen on a blue dress found! Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress
Semen on a blue dress found! Good golly Miss Monica, don`t sing more...

If you wanna be a record breaker...
MOST HORRIBLE DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm 'very recently attained' bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York.
It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'C*** Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz acheived 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4 in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7 mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a more...

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is as much glucose in a man's semen as there is in sugar? "That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class and never returned. However, as she was going through door, the professor's reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of the tongue and not in the back of the throat."