Seminar Jokes / Recent Jokes
Casual Fridays:
Week 1 - Memo No. 1
Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3 - Memo No. 2
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Week 6 - Memo No. 3
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday`s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Week 8 - Memo No. 4
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9 - Memo No. 5
As an outgrowth of Friday`s seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.
Week 14 - Memo No. 6
The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company more...
Casual Fridays: Week 1 - Memo No. 1Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice. Week 3 - Memo No. 2Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins. Week 6 - Memo No. 3Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success. Week 8 - Memo No. 4A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory. Week 9 - Memo No. 5As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress. Week 14 - Memo No. 6The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please more...
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom
and his wife Grace listened to the instructor's advice: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."The instructor addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it honey?"The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.
The following comes from the "Denver Post Wire Services" under the heading of "Dairy board survey hardly depicts Milquetoast image"...
Not a bunch of goody-goodies, the folks at the California Milk Processor Board want you to think raunchy, think wanton, think naughty, think milk. A survey for June, National Dairy Month, reports hidden milk drinkers' behaviors:
When no one is looking, 59 percent of Californians admit to slugging directly from the carton.
A sheepish 31 percent have finished the last of the milk and put the empty carton back in the refrigerator.
An embarrassed 39 percent report that they have, on occasion, blown milk out their noses.
While a co-worker slaves away at his desk, 22 percent have "borrowed" someone else's milk from the office refirgerator.
A smug 14 percent say that they have made milk a part of their sex lives. Which leaves 86 percent wondering how the heck they do it.
The article continues more...
Notification to all members regarding language use during seminar. It has been brought to the attention of senior members that some individuals have been using bad language during discussions at the seminar. Due to complaints from some of our easily offended members, this type of language will no longer be accepted or tolerated. However, we realise the importance of members being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with each other. With this in mind, our human resources committee has compiled a list of phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without offending our more sensitive members. CURRENT PHRASE---REPLACEMENT PHRASENO FUCKING WAY ---I'm fairly sure that's not feasibleYOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ---Really? TELL SOMEONE WHO GIVES A FUCK---Have you run that by....... NO BASTARD TOLD ME ---I wasn't involved in that. I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME ---Perhaps I can stay and work on that. WHO FUCKING more...
6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: more...
A fire official was giving a fire safety seminar to a group of factory employees. Demonstrating the proper way to operate an extinguisher, he told the group, “”Pull the pin like a hand grenade, then depress the trigger to release the foam. ”
Later, he selected a blonde female employee to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. Standing with the extinguisher in her hands, she was so nervous that she forgot to pull the pin.
The instructor hinted, “Like a hand grenade, remember? ”
In a burst of confidence, she pulled the pin and hurled the extinguisher into the blaze.