Senator Jokes / Recent Jokes

Senator John Kerry announced today that he will not attempt a campaign for president in 2008. The Massachusetts senator made a public statement that he felt his time would be better spent in the senate, working towards a resolution to the Iraq problem, and heading the new senate committee on his own impending irrelevance.

Idaho Senator Larry Craig will announce his resignation this morning from the Boise Depot, the city's historic, iconic (and phallic!) train depot.

The 10:30am press conference will be held in the men's rest room, or did you guess?

Which begs the question, Senator, have you no sense of irony, at long last?

The Depot grounds include the lovely Platt Gardens, featuring graceful pathways, a gazebo and koi pond, and a panoramic view of the Boise Front (a large undeveloped area just north of town).

“it’s a magical place really," the Senator said, "perfect for a day out with the family or for the kind of multiple, anonymous homosexual encounters of which I am so fond.”

Due to mounting pressure Senator Larry Craig is announcing his retirement. I thought mounting pressure is what got him in trouble in the first place?

"Senator," an aide called from the next room "there's someone on the phone who wants to know what you plan to do about the abortion bill."
Flushing, the politician spluttered, "Er. . . tell them I'll have a check in the mail morning."

Reporter: Governor Clinton, what damage do you think has been done to your campaign by your wife`s comment the other day about how "Hitler was really a great guy"?

Clinton: (Mixture of sadness and anger, but articulate as always.) Hillary and myself are shocked, outraged, and deeply saddened by this terrible misunderstanding. The media hype is way out of proportion. You guys should know us by now--we would never say anything like that. And though she did say a few things about Germany she certainly didn`t mean anything offensive by her remarks, which I might add have been willfully and shamefully taken out of context and distorted. There is nothing in my life, or Hillary`s life, which can be construed as derogatory toward the German people. We honor them. Some of our best friends are Germans. My own grandmother was one-quarter German. And it certainly isn`t true that Germans are excluded from our country club. In my eleven years as Governor of Arkansas I was more...

Then there was the senator who berated an aide for confusing several appointments on his calendar.
"If I'd known I was hiring a horse's ass," the senator screamed, "Id have done the job myself!"