Senator Jokes / Recent Jokes

A republican senator asked in a prayer for one of the senators to miss the vote on health care. He prayed for Senator Dodd to reunite with Senator Kennedy for an angel sandwich.

Bad Jokes The following riddles and jokes were made up by BADJOKE. EXE, an MS-DOSprogram. You probably haven't heard most of them. Please try not to laughtoo hard and feel free to flame as much as you like--we are all likepassengers on the deck of the Titanic discussing what we're going to do whenwe get to shore. How can you tell when a mechanic has been behind your nuclear warhead? There are nubile lambchops all over your pizza! How can you tell when a pope has been coming towards your spaceship? There are laughing travelling salesmen in your banana! How do you get 100 gargoyles into a nuclear warhead? Throw in a lawn sprinkler! Why do motorcycles fold born-again eyeballs? To diaper their skyscrapers! Why do policemen have toilets? So that yaks will disobey them! What do you get when you cross a Barbie doll and a banana? An angry nurse! What did the Democrat say to the kettle drum?" Ignore my eyeball, you square baby!"What did the finger say ot the lawn sprinkler?" more...

From AP:

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama tried to reassure Jewish voters concerned about his Muslim ties...

Speaking to the National Jewish Democratic Council, the Illinois senator said his experience living in Indonesia [where Jews aren't allowed] for four years as a child and his ability to speak to Muslims could make him a better president.

"If I go to Jakarta and address the largest Muslim country on earth, I can say,'Apa kabar,' -- you know,'How are you doing?' -- and they can recognize that I understand their common humanity," Obama said.

What this reassurance would have sounded like during our previous great war, World War II:

...the Illinois senator said his experience living in Austria for four years as a child and his ability to speak to Austrians could make him a better president.

"If I go to Vienna, I can say,'Heil Hitler,' -- you know,'How are you doing?' -- and they can recognize that I more...

"Teddy, the red nosed senator,
Had a very shiny car.
And if you've ever seen it,
You were prob'ly near a bar.
All of the other Senators,
Wondered how he get his dames.
They thought he was to drunk,
To join in any bedroom games.
Then one clouded Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
'Teddy with your nose so red,
'Won't you help me guide my sled.'
That's how the police found him,
Wrapped around a maple tree.
Teddy, the red nosed Senator,
You're a drunken S.O.B.!"

Overheard on unidentified radio station. Humorous sketch involving reporter
and senator (country unspecified):
Reporter: But Senator, what have you to say to the problem of young
Miguel, only 12 years old, who has to hustle on the sidewalk
to sell his 15-year-old sister?
Senator: How much is the sister?

For thirty Years I have been a Travel Agent, serving our legislators and their staffs. This is how I know we're in trouble!
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat on the plane, so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response. (click).
A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I more...

The Obama administration should bar a $1.5 billion wind-farm project in Texas from receiving U.S. government stimulus funds because most of the power turbines would be made in China, Senator Charles Schumer said. I say build the wind-farm in DC and power it with all the hot air coming from Congress.