Senior Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.
They parked their truck at one end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house an older woman was looking out her kitchen window watching the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figure I'd better run too!"
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young
trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They
parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to
the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen
window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger
coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove
that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that
last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped
and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two men from the gas
company running as hard as you two were, I figured,
'HOLY MOLY! I'M OUTTA HERE!!"
A very elderly gentleman (nineties), very well dressed, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after-shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into the "cocktail lounge" section at the senior center.
Seated at the bar is an attractive elderly looking lady (mid-eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
I just recently did a show for some Very Old senior citizens...they didn't have much money to pay me so...I made them laugh real hard and at the end of my show.....I picked up their teeth..lot of gold in those fillings...ha ha
Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.
Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.
Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.
Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."
Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away.
Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade.
Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.
Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts more...
Freshmen: Are never in bed past noon.
Seniors: Are never out of bed before noon.
Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut.
Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend.
Freshmen: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Seniors: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mtn. Dew into a recitation class.
Freshmen: Calls the professor "Professor."
Seniors: Calls the professor "Bob."
Freshmen: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Seniors: Drives to class if it's further than three blocks away.
Freshmen: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Seniors: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade.
Freshmen: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Seniors: Knows where the next class is. Maybe...
Freshmen: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Seniors: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of more...
MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
By Hank Vorjes
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates.
"The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range more...