Senior Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many senior citizens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she pays a telemarketer $2000 for the new bulb.

1. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
2. No food is allowed in the hall in high school.
In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
3. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
4. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at
the teacher's guide.
5. In college, there are no tardy slips.
6. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you
get to live with your friends.
7. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
8. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)
9. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to
choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the
prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
10. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your more...

Notification to all members regarding language use during seminar.
It has been brought to the attention of senior members that some individuals have been using bad language during discussions at the seminar. Due to complaints from some of our easily offended members, this type of language will no longer be accepted or tolerated.
However, we realise the importance of members being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with each other. With this in mind, our human resources committee has compiled a list of phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without offending our more sensitive members.
CURRENT PHRASE-REPLACEMENT PHRASE
NO FUCKING WAY -I'm fairly sure that's not feasible
YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING -Really?
TELL SOMEONE WHO GIVES A FUCK-Have you run that by...
NO BASTARD TOLD ME -I wasn't involved in that.
I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME -Perhaps I can stay and work on more...

Notification to all members regarding language use during seminar.It has been brought to the attention of senior members that some individuals have been using bad language during discussions at the seminar. Due to complaints from some of our easily offended members, this type of language will no longer be accepted or tolerated.However, we realise the importance of members being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with each other. With this in mind, our human resources committee has compiled a list of phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without offending our more sensitive members.CURRENT PHRASE-REPLACEMENT PHRASENO FUCKING WAY -I'm fairly sure that's not feasibleYOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING -Really? TELL SOMEONE WHO GIVES A FUCK-Have you run that by... NO BASTARD TOLD ME -I wasn't involved in that.I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME -Perhaps I can stay and work on that.WHO FUCKING CARES -Are you sure more...

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each”
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. “Pfufffff and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. ”Pfufffff and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, “I want these two idiots back right now. ” Pfuffff ……….: p
Lesson: - ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST

Two senior ladies met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school--how did you manage
to live a well-planned life?" "Well," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a
preacher; and now I'm married to an undertaker." Asked the friend, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?" "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go!"

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.
"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.
"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.
After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"