Sense Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?" The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a huge room full of clocks. The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?" St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged." The guy thinks that this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why that is? St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock." This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one more...

Common sense is not so common.
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - Descartes, 1637
Communication with the dead is only a little more difficult than communication with (Insert Your Favorite Group - Engineering/Financial…)
Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confusion creates jobs.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren’t.

Common sense is not so common.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - Descartes, 1637

If it doesn't make sense, it's either economics or psychology.

The Direct Approach Description: You just say it. Examples - 1. "I got my period today." (The simple version) 2. "I got my period today so we can't have sex tonight." (The "let there be no doubt" version) 3. "Honey, I'm bleeding." (The gross version) Benefits: Fast, simple, gets the message across. Amusing results can be achieved when the timing is right. Such as when you're in a public place or eating dinner. More amusing results can be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents. The best results, of course, will be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents in a public place. Cautions: May freak out some men, if you're unsure about the nature of the relationship you're in but would rather not find out at this stage - go for an alternative approach. Sometimes best to keep until the last minute, like when he can't tell you to go home. Will give away the fact that you regard it as an issue (that is, if you regard it as an issue) more...

Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies.
If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO!
It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense.
Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10, 000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.
The Clintons charge the Federal government $10, 000 monthly rent for the use more...