Sense Jokes / Recent Jokes
Calling in Sick.... A Cat Owner's Story Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown. In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed!" she hearkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am more...
Not an idiot, but plays one in his life. Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible. Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us. Not done evolving yet. Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective. Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter. Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen. Not enough sense to come in out of the rain. Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child.) Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight. Not hard-docked. Not inflated to 90 PSI. Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside.) Not much to show for four billion years of evolution. Not only rude, but ugly too. Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (- not even in the game). Not running on full thrusters. Not shooting pool on a level table. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor. Not the full quid. Not the same since they took him off more...
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?" The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer.
St. Peter shows him all the sights - the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a HUGE room full of clocks. The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"
St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged." The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why is that?
St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock."
This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and more...
You Know You're Too Stressed If...
You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
The Sun is too loud.
Trees begin to chase you.
You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I. V. drip solution of espresso.
You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
You can hear mimes.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
Things become "Very Clear."
You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand.
The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
You and Reality file for more...
Common sense is not so common.
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - Descartes, 1637
Communication with the dead is only a little more difficult than communication with (Insert Your Favorite Group - Engineering/Financial...)
Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confusion creates jobs.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't.
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon
passing the entrance test, St. Peter says "I'm not very busy today,
why don't you let me show you around?"
The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer.
St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room
and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they
come to a HUGE room full of clocks.
The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"
St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much
time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person
dies and comes to the Gates to be judged."
The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks
are going faster than others. He asks why is that?
St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds
his clock."
This also makes sense, so the guy more...