Sense Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!
The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?
Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.
There are really only two possible more...
Lost All Sense
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
An elderly lady complains to the M. D. that she passes gas
many times a day.
"It's really more of a nuisance than a problem", she explains,
"they're silent and they don't smell."
The M. D. gives her a prescription and tells her to come back
in a week.
She returns and says,"I don't know what it was you gave me,
doc, but I still pass gas all the time, it is still silent, but it
smells terribly!"
The M. D. replies, "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses,
we'll see what we can do for your hearing."
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
Do you speak? As Asian Americans, we hear that a lot, don't we? I know I do! And it's a double edged sword too! Sometimes I get the feeling that we, as AA's, are suppose to maintain dual identities due only to our physical appearances. Here's what I mean: During our winter 1996 touring season, the 18 Mighty Mountain Warriors were fortunate enough to go to Hong Kong to perform at the Annual Fringe Festival. I thought: "Wow! This is great! We're going some place where WE are the majority!" (Although I must confess, the feeling wasn't too different from being in Chinatown). The trip was fun and rewarding, but one thing stood out for me: At the Hong Kong Fringe Club everyone, including Chinese, came up to us and automatically communicated in English. After a few minutes the local Hong Kong citizens would ask "Do you speak?" "Do I speak?". .. I was speaking to them right there, wasn't I? Did it matter that I was Chinese American and they were Chinese British more...
A military general recently said "The situation in Iraq is not winnable in any sense of the word'winnable.'"
However, it may be winnable in the sense of the word "loseable."
"American Idol's" Kelli Pickler claims she was physically abused by her mother. "She said she was trying to beat some sense into me, but thanks to God, I was able to grow up without any sense at all."
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon the guy's passing the entrance test, St. Peter says "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?"
The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria, and finally, they come to a huge room full of clocks.
The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"
St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged."
The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why is that?
St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock."
This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room more...