September Jokes / Recent Jokes
Extracted from US news papers:
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A 24-YEAR-old man being chased by a police officer from a Beverly Hills, Calif., house that he was
suspected of burglarizing ran into a tree branch and knocked himself unconscious. In September, in
Akron, Ohio, police said that Christopher S. Dobbins, 28, in the process of robbing Leonardo's Pizza,
slipped on a streak of grease on the floor, which was the result of a dropped pizza earlier in the
evening, and knocked himself out.
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IN ST. LOUIS IN OCTOBER, according to police, Robert Puelo, 32, stole a hot dog from a 7-Eleven and
left the store, cramming it into his mouth as he ran. Minutes later, Puelo choked to death on a
6-inch piece of the hot dog that lodged in his throat.
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In Council Bluffs, Iowa, seven relatives ranging in age from 10 to 71 piled into the family car
intending to commit suicide over more...
Extracted from US news papers:
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Sherri Lynn Rossi was hit in the head more than 20 times with a blunt object and left covered in
blood and in a coma on the side of a road, according to doctors in Pittsburgh in June. When she came
out of the coma, she identified her attacker as her husband, Richard A. Rossi Jr., pastor of the
local, independent, charismatic First Love Church. Richard Rossi denied the charge, insisting that
the hijacker must have been a man who looked like him and had a car like his, and that it was "very
possible, oh, yes" that his wife's attacker was Satan in human form. In October, Sherri Lynn Rossi
abruptly withdrew her accusation, and concurred that her attacker might have been a demon in human
form.
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New York city police arrested the city's most notorious traffic scofflaw, Leroy Linen, 41, in
November. He had inadvertently given them his real name more...
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local K -Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute more...
Detroit, Oregon - A hunter thought he had found a severed human head in an abandoned mining shed and called the police. Deputy Larry Taylor realized it was just the head of a mannequin when he noticed a price sticker on the forehead.
Redondo Beach, California - After a short chase, officer Joseph Fonteno charged the driver of a white Mazda with DUI. The car had been driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood. When Fonteno asked the drunk driver about the pole, he responded: "It came with the car when I bought it."
Australia - The Australian Police Journal reported that an elderly woman had already used about half of the powder in a custard packet when she discovered an object that appeared to be a large dead cockroach. However, when she brought it to the Health Department, food analysts determined it to be a dried-up human finger. The following investigation revealed that a factory worker had more...
September 24 - September 30
"Everyone is focused on me making a bomb. Meanwhile, have you seen'Good Luck Chuck'".
- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, speaking before the UN in New York.
Thanks to Jo for this Ripper!
August 31st:
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Perth!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the veranda. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer that I more...
The September issue of "Playboy" magazine will feature a six-page spread of Paris Hilton look-a-like Natalie Reid.
Following "Playboy's" lead, the September issue of "Architectural Digest" will feature a spread of house look-a-like Ruben Studdard.