Serious Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a priest and rabbi who became close friends over many years, and they'd often have lunch together. One day, the rabbi almost ate the priest's ham sandwich, which made the two of them laugh. Then, the priest got a serious look on his face.
"Can I ask you a serious question?" he asked.
"Sure," said the rabbi, "we're good friends."
"Have you ever eaten pork?"
The rabbi paused. "Yes, I have. I was touring the world, and I had stopped in China. A group of locals brought me home for dinner, even though I couldn't speak the language and they didn't speak English. They were very proud of the main course, which was roasted pig. I couldn't tell them it was against my religion, and I didn't want to offend them, so I ate it. I'm sure the lord forgives me, because I was working hard to present a friendly image of his people. Now, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, you've been honest with me." says the more...

Patient: Tell me, doctor. Is it serious? Doctor: Well, I wouldn't advise you to start watching any serials on TV.

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Send the bill to my Brother-in-law."

Patient: Tell me, doctor. Is it serious?
Doctor: Well, I wouldn't advise you to start watching any serials on TV.

At a doctors surgery one morning a patient arrives complaining of
serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks him"What
the hell did you do to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? Today
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife and
the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not
find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out
and he was dressing himself.I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him, That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor says "My previous looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell
happened to you?" He replies, "You know I have been unemployed for a
while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my
alarm and was more...

Shortly after arriving home from work one evening, a well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa. As he was tuning in to the evening news, the phone rang. He calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a friend and colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right there," the doctor whispered.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious, dear?"
"Oh yes, very serious," the doctor replied gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!"

In my 2nd year at University, I became fairly serious about Gabriella, a fellow student. Well, serious enough to take her home and meet my parents. My mother hated her on sight. However, in a typical bourgeois fashion, she never made comments about Gabriella that were less than totally positive. Quoting from memory, these are some of the things she said, and (in brackets), what I thought she really meant:
She's vivacious
(She's as high as a kite and a total bore)
She has a sparkling conversation
(She talks non-stop about herself, in a shrill voice)
She has an endearing accent
(Her peasant upbringing shows clearly)
She's a careful driver
(But a reckless flier, on her broomstick)
I gather she's very popular
(I gather she sleeps around a lot)
She has a trim body
(She's a carpenter's dream: flat as a board and easy to screw)
She has nice legs
(Pity about the hair)
I gather she's interested in art
(I gather she has a more...