Sex & Nudity Jokes

What is 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1?
Bo Derek getting older...

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run.... Run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small.' 'Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband,' 'Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says,' 'I know how to make them larger!''

' 'How!?!?!?'' she asks.

' 'Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

' 'Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

' 'They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

' 'How did you know that?'' she wonders.

' 'I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''